Soak up this “soppy” story about Rosie Skinner – this woman laps up actual sponges!
With no side effects.
Except that when it rains, she triples in size and weight.
Also, she’s very impressionable. Whatever’s around, she can’t help but soak it up.
Her boyfriend isn’t too happy either. She’s quick to put a dampener on any good times, and doesn’t like dry weather. She does, however, love to get moist.
Ridiculous puns aside, Rosie Skinner is a 19 year old from the UK who seriously eats sponges.
“I have always loved the smell of a wet sponge. I crave that damp taste and feeling in my mouth,” she said in the Irish Mirror. “I like the texture as well, it’s a bit like eating cake. I might try one with some icing on one day. If I have a stressful day I love to treat myself to snack on a sponge to relax.”
Skinner got hooked on the nutrition-less, rubbery nothingness of sponges when she was five. When she was 13, doctors had to remove a large ball of sponge from her stomach.
“It was a bit of a weird situation. I started having stomach aches and then they developed into really severe pains,” she said, according to the Express. “I was rushed to the hospital where doctors removed a ball the size of a small mouse from my stomach.”
That’s quite a lot of sponge, and why compare it to a small mouse? Is that something else she’d like to eat?
The doctors told Rosie Skinner to quit, but she had no interest in swapping her bouncy, chewy delight for cold turkey.
“I tried to do what the doctors told me, but I can’t fight my cravings entirely. Now I just chew it for a while and spit it out,” she told the Medavia News Agency.
Skinner suffers from “pica” – an eating disorder where people have a desire to eat items with little or no nutritional value, such as stones, sand, paint, human hair or…well this list could go on forever, because it contains everything that’s not food, and a lot of things that are food.
Pica is commonly caused by stressors such as maternal deprivation, family issues, parental neglect, pregnancy, poverty, and a disorganised family structure.
Pica is also a common indicator of far more damaging, dangerous and serious mental disorders.
As was the case with Rosie Skinner , it can also lead to medical emergencies.
So let’s laugh at the freaky things people eat, then speculate what went horribly wrong during an important developmental stage, which led to this freakish behaviour.
What other secrets are there lying under the surface, covered by the grime of Skinner’s everyday life, waiting to be uncovered by a serious mental cleaning? Perhaps with a sponge?
The news is full of freaks. It makes us feel better about the slightly weird stuff we all do, because by comparison, it’s not that weird at all. However, just because the world is full of people who do weird stuff, that doesn’t necessarily make them weirdos in general. Just because they exist, it doesn’t make you any less of a freak for that freaky thing you do.
You might even be doing it right now.
Stop scratching. Now stop rubbing. Just leave it alone. You freak.
Ah we’re all freaks. As long as your freaky doesn’t harm anyone else, and you’ve learnt how to be freaky without hurting yourself, and you’ve addressed any underlying mental problems, then who really cares?
Smoking is probably more dangerous and that’s way more acceptable than eating a sponge.
So whatever your freak is, go for it and don’t feel bad.
We’re all freaks.
Xavier Toby is a writer and comedian
For speaking engagements, comedy performances, writing assignments and all other enquires: firstname.lastname@example.org