A man has posted a Craig’s List ad offering up himself as the boyfriend your family never wanted, and always feared, in exchange for a free feed.
He’ll pose as your partner to get that pesky, baby hungry, extended family off your back this Thanksgiving.
Sick and tired of questions about why you’re still single?
He’ll shut them up. With his fists, if you’d like.
For those that don’t know, Thanksgiving is huge deal in the USA. It’s like Xmas without the presents, but with a lot more guilt. Kind of like a family dinner on Australia Day, but with enough food for seven families.
I suppose this is news because it’s kinda funny.
Smile, laugh, share, but before you’re done, let’s ponder what’s happening here.
Why would anyone do this?
Think about it for a second, and it seems like fun. Like the plot of wacky romantic Thanksgiving comedy, with turkey flying around the room, family secrets revealed and a meaningful relationship the end result.
Think about it for two more seconds.
Would you be up for it yourself? Why the hell not? It’d be a story that you’d be able to share every time you’re at a dinner party that isn’t founded on a complete lie.
Think about it for any more than ten seconds, and you come across some issues.
This guy must be pretty damn lonely and with no self-esteem to even suggest this.
And anyone who replies to this ad must have zero respect for their family. Yes, let’s teach them a lesson. Then reflect on when that’s ever worked and maybe first have a think about why they’re so keen for you to splat out some brats.
Pranks are well known for their ability to solve huge issues. The biggest prankster of all time was that kid from Home Alone, and he’s never had a problem since…
So yes, let’s laugh at the freaks. That’s what they’re for, and not spare one moment pondering a society that breeds these people, applauds their weirdness, then quickly move on without one person asking, “Buddy? Are you okay?”
Also, this made the news. Meaning it’s the job of some journalist, and probably several, to search through eBay auctions, Craig’s List ads and the rest of it, looking for more freaky.
Why bother reporting on actual news, when you can laugh at something of no consequence?
Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
Who are the real turkeys…?
Xavier Toby is a writer and comedian
For speaking engagements, comedy performances, writing assignments and all other enquires: firstname.lastname@example.org